Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize