i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
