New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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