Say something about gay babies.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
