Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
