Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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