so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize