Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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