I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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