Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
