using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
