It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
