Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
