im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
