I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
