i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
