i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
