And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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