So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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