is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
