well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it was like eating out sand paper
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
