I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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