You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
