Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
