New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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