Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize