just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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