I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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