also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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