need another drink. this is the easiest way
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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