Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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