She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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