He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
