Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
