his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
