I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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