Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
