I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
