I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
