Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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