Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
