Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
