i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am one with the molecules
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize