i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
