How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
