Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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