batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
