If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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