If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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