At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
