Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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