You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Drunk is not a location!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
