Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
