Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My balls are so social today.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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