You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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