Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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