I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
now i know why i became what i already was.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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