New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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