don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
