Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
