You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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