this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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