ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
