hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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