It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
