The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
