I'm really into asian looking animals
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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