we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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