Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm both gender and math confused
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
