There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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