I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize