After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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