nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
