I cannot find my penis.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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