He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
