so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
