i barfeds in our rink
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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