ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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