So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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