Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
