i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
