My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
